A Time When I Got in Trouble...Kinda

Today at Brighton's school there is a "story basket" where the kids were asked to get a story from an elder-person... parent or grandparent, etc. Since the event is in 45 minutes, I decided to sit down 15 minutes ago and type this one out. The subject was "A time when you got in trouble". This story popped into my mind because I remember how funny my mom thought it was and how dead I thought it was! This was meant to be read out loud, so excuse the "tv news broadcaster" punctuation.

A Time When I Got in Trouble...Kinda.

By Brooke Hale Flake

It was a Monday morning and like all Monday mornings at school we all stood up, said the Pledge of Allegiance and held our hands to our hearts as "The Star Spangled Banner" played on the loud speaker.

This day was no different except my Sophomore Algebra math teacher, Mrs. Borenpole had stepped out into the hall during the morning ritual.

  "Oh say can you see...."   I stood and listened to the song but my mind was started wandering "Did I have homework due today? Do we have a test?" Suddenly I was snapped back into reality as the National Anthem stopped playing mid-song! We all just stood there with our hands to our hearts looking around at each other. Just then I knew I had to do what any other patriotic 16-year-old girl would do. I had to finish the song!

  "And the rockets red glare..." I sang in my best opera voice. "The bombs bursting in...."

 "Brooke Hale!"  Mrs. Borenpole had walked back into the room at just the wrong moment!  "What do you think you are doing?!  Come with me this instant!" I looked at the back of Mrs. Borenpole brown polyester bell bottoms all the way down to Mr. Kane's office and could feel my heart about to burst out of my chest with nerves!

  "She did what?"  Mr. Kane questioned after the teacher explained why I was in the principal's office. 

  "She started singing the national anthem when the recording stopped!"  a flustered Mrs. Borenpole explained. "She deserves detention... or worse!"

  Only I could see a hint of a smile as the edge of Mr. Kane's mouth threatened to turn upward. The slight gleam in his eye as he looked at me, only made the teacher more upset.

  "She disturbed the entire homeroom!"

  "Mrs. Borenpole why don't you go take care of the rest of the class as I talk to Miss Hale." said the vice-principal.

(Oh great, now I was really in for it!)

  "Miss Hale... I've seen your sisters and parents in every musical and play this city has ever done," started the vice-principal. "I might know where you get your musical and dramatic flair...  Let's just give your mom a call and see how she feels about this spectacle."

My mouth went dry and I could feel the grounding punishment already setting in as Mr. Kane called my mom at work and explained to her why I was sitting in his office.

  "MMhmmm... Yes... she did... Mrs. Borenpole's class yes.  Ok …. very good. Goodbye."

"Well?" I asked? "What did she say? Was she upset?"

Well Brooke.... (there was a long pause.)  Your mom... laughed!

The End

Week from HELL!

Not even week from heck or week from H. E. - double hockey sticks. Week from hell... well mom-hell. No one lost a limb or anything so don't compare me to people with "real trials" but last week just would not end!
Monday- I'm scrapbooking with a friend- Deacon is asleep and Bright is home from school because there's a crazed gunman a block away from her school. Bright runs in saying "Deacon just threw up!" She's super dramatic so I expected a teeny-bit but it was ALL OVER himself and the bed. So gross... So the rest of the day goes without saying laundry, baths, - trying to get a 2-year-old to puke in a bowl instead of wherever he sees fit.
Tuesday- Deacon's doing better and it's the last nice day of the year so I am raking leaves and attempting to fertilize my lawn. Under all the leaves is a plethora of dog/cat poop. Both, I think. I'm trying to avoid it but I keep smelling it and I don't know where it is! Then I hear Deacon yelling and he's stuck in the back of the mini van where Piper was sleeping. I go to get him out and he is covered in the worst-smelling dog poop EVER and has tracked it ALL through the mini-van. It is ground in to all the carpet and seats. I had to let it sit there for like 4 or 5 hours due to naps, school drop off and gymnastics and by the time I got it cleaned out I was in tears- for some reason that poop just totally overwhelmed me. EW.
Wednesday- Keep smelling dog poop! Is it phantom poop? Is it stuck in the fibers of my nose from smelling it so much the day before? Is it on ME somewhere? Finally I find a bunch in the trunk that I had somehow missed before because it was also all over the stroller. Back to the carwash.
Thursday- While watching my friend Lisa's little boy (same friend who was there for Monday's puke incident) Deacon jumped up on a couch and smacked his eyebrow bone right on the sharp corner of a window sill. At first glance I knew it needed stitches. It was wide open, gushing blood, and I'd seen the same thing a year and a half ago on his other eyebrow. I had to load FOUR kids up and take them all to the Dr. Lisa got there part-way through and helped out with Piper and the other kids, so that made it easier but I seriously could not watch as they had to hold him down to put those stitches in.
Friday- Return of the vomit. It started up again in the middle of the night (why does that happen so often?) Something about stripping beds, cleaning kids up and starting laundry at 3:00 a.m. makes me weepy. 
Saturday- Piper comes down with a cold. Deacon seems to be doing ok.... but still hasn't eaten all week. I can get him to drink, so I'm not super worried but his face looks thin. :(
Sunday- Another mid-night puke fest. By this time I'm in total bad mom mode and I'm actually YELLING at my 2-year-old for being sick.  I might add- since he's been taking 3 hour naps and going to bed at 7 p.m... he wakes up at 4 or 5 a.m. every morning and wanders the house, while coming in and out of our bed and demanding milk (which we have to refuse because he keeps puking it up.) He always goes and turns on the TV, which I've learned is Yoga at 5:00 a.m. on PBS. I should have stopped and participated in a little downward doggie or something to calm my nerves.  I spent an hour cleaning up throw up from my carpet and then in the morning discovered puke in his bedroom and the TV room. I think he was so used to it by now it's just no big deal but I was MAD that he wouldn't even try to hit a bowl!  That was my low point.
Now it's Monday morning- we're getting his stitches out in a few hours and I just pray this flu is gone. He ate a whole bowl of cereal this morning, which is more than he's eaten in a week, so that's a good sign. OH- and one more thing to add- Aaron is in his busy season right now which means working Monday-Saturday 7:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m. or later so I've been alone through all of this. Again, I know I'm not a military wife, a divorcee or a widow, aka people with "real trials" but it was still a poopy week, k?

Hair

I have so many "family events" to blog about. First day of Kindergarten, Brighton riding a bike, summer camping and vacations.  But when I have a minute I usually have a story that fits better on my new, other blog, www.horriblemomblog.blogspot.com   But today I thought I'd re-post it on this blog as well.

Why do babies love hair? As in- grabbing hair and holding on like their life depends on it? It all makes sense why all our moms had short hair. My hair is longer than it's been since high school and my 5 year old has SUPER long hair. The other day I see that Piper has a huge hairball in her hand while sitting in her Bumbo. "Holy Cow Bright! Did she pull this hair out of your head? I'm surprised I didn't hear you scream from a block away!"

"No mom. I know how Piper loves to grab my hair, so I got a chunk of hair out of your brush and gave it to her to play with. Isn't that nice?" Ew. And I wondered why I was finding hair in her diaper.

Preschool Graduation!

Bright graduated from preschool a couple weeks ago and it was SO cute! She went to Carole's Learning Center and I totally recommend it if you really want to get your kid ready for Kindergarten. I had some regrets about not letting her go to a more "carefree" and "fun" preschool where you play more and sit at a desk less, but she's really ready for school now. It was a Christian preschool so they sang songs like "I'm in the Lord's Army", recited Psalm 100- which is really long! I was so impressed! And they recited the Creation. My parents came into town a day early so they could be there and that made it really special!

It's been 3 months since I had Piper! In some ways it feels like last week, but in most ways it feels like 6 months. My Dr. (who I love and have secret fantasies about) calls this delivery a 400 level delivery...meaning it took all his medical training to get this baby out the "natural" way. First she was breech. The Dr. was able to turn her manually and get her head down, but her head wouldn't really "lodge" where it needed to go to be locked and loaded for take off. So then the nurse checked me and she had a "hand presentation" she was trying to come out hand first, which apparently is really dangerous for the baby. If you labor like that the contractions will cut off the circulation to the hand and it will be crippled. So usually they do a C-section but my awesome Dr. was able to get it moved. It was scary though cause if a hand could get through, so could a cord, so they had to monitor it very closely. They had me on pitocin and my contractions just weren't making things happen and the baby was having "decels" which means her heart rate would drop every time I would contract. They tried me in so many different positions and finally decided the baby couldn't take it anymore and turned off the pitocin. Well as soon as they did that my body took over and I went from a 6 to a 10 in minutes and could feel every bit of it! I told the nurse I felt really strong contractions and thought I was ready to go and thankfully she believed me and the Dr. was there anyway because he was going to put a heartrate monitor directly on the baby's head but I was right and I was ready to deliver! One more glitch- she was posterior, but my Dr. rocks and she flipped nicely and she came out! She was REALLY pretty when she came out. I mean, newborns are typically so freaky looking and I remember being slightly horrified at Brighton but Piper was super pink and looked really good. Maybe cause her head wasn't crammed down in my hoo-hoo so long because of the breach thing. Who knows. Anyway, getting induced was the bomb and I highly recommend it over going into labor on your own. ;)

The Dr. calls Piper my drama baby and she's still acting the part. She made me SO sick during pregnancy and she's still my hardest baby. She's now on 2 different reflux medications and that is helping a lot, but she doesn't want to sleep unless she's being held or is on her tummy, which is a no-no. But she is super smiley! At 3 months her personality is starting to come out and it's getting really fun. Brighton ADORES her and always says "You're too sweet to cry!" and Deacon..... likes to poke her eyes. We try not to leave them in a room alone together! haha.

Having 3 kids is nuts! WAY harder than 2 right now, but I'm still wanting a 4th. I hear going from 3 to 4 isn't that bad. ha ha. But knowing she is most likely my last really makes me take the time to enjoy her. She likes to be held all evening, which is fine by me. I can let things slide while I sit on the couch and hold her all night. She likes to lay on my chest at night which I'm also coming to love because I know it won't last very long. I'm just really trying to savor every bit of having a newborn for the last time. It makes me weepy when I think of all these "firsts" as "lasts" but I'm just trying to remember and enjoy it all!

The Horrible Mom Blog

Ever since my oldest turned about 2 I've had story after story of horrible moments in motherhood. My husband always says "you need to blog that stuff!" so suddenly my nice family blog turned into story after story of poop-eating, tantrums, fully-clothed baths, etc.... mixed in with birthday celebrations and family vacations. The two just weren't quite meshing well... and to be honest- I got a little afraid that CPS would get involved soon. ;)
So I'm turning this blog into a nice family blog and starting "The Horrible Mom" blog about my experiences in motherhood. So if you're reading this blog to know about my life and my kids, stay tuned. If you're reading for funny stories, switch instead to www.horriblemomblog.blogspot.com. There's a doozy there now to get you started. Warning- it involves "hybrid poop".
So there you have it. Friends and family who want to stay in touch- stay here.
People who want to feel better about their own lives- http://www.horriblemomblog.blogspot.com/

One hot mess

For people who have it "all together" or even "somewhat together" I must seem like a mess! Let's rephrase this. I am a mess. But I like the phrase "hot mess". Although I am so far from hot right now it's not even funny.
So I had a massive headache this morning...the likes of which I've rarely seen... and Aaron brings me my phone in bed right before he leaves late this morning so I can text around looking for Tylenol because all I have is ibuprofin and that's anti- during pregnancy. So I'm laying in bed and texting and I hear my Kosovo neighbor, Fatima, in my house... "Broke?" (that's how she says it). I run out and she has Deacon in her arms and of course he's happy as a clam. He had followed Aaron out and wandered over to her house which is across the street and two houses down and actually rang her doorbell! So she brings him back. I'm embarrassed but whatever.
Then my other good neighbor takes Brighton with her to her gym to go swimming and Deacon's playing nicely in the playroom so I decide to take a quick bath because I still feel like hud. I can hear Deacon out there most of the time and then all the sudden I hear my neighbor again!!! Deacon got out again and was wandering down the road. Oh, I forgot to mention he's in a pajama shirt that's too small and spiderman pajama bottoms that are like 3T and dragging on the ground and no shoes. So I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm in the tub with an OK magazine and try to pretend I'm just sick in the toilet so it doesn't seem so neglectful. She wants to wait until i come out to leave, so I have to convince her (between fake heaves) just to lock him in the bedroom with me and we'll be ok. HOLY MESS.
So THIS TIME I go out and shut the garage door and lock all my doors. A few minutes later the doorbell rings and I go and it's Fatima again and she just looks really concerned. She's the neighbor who's house is always perfectly spotless and she makes dinner from scratch every night and makes tea for her husband every afternoon.... very traditional Muslim. She wants to know if I'm okay and if I need help folding laundry or something. No, there is not laundry everywhere, but an entire chair is pulled out in the TV room covered in blankets cause Aaron and the kids made a "fort" before I woke up. I hate forts.
So after I convince her that I'm okay and I can dress my child and fold my blankets on my own she leaves and I forget to lock the door again!!! Yep- a couple minutes later I'm on the phone with my sister Heather and I notice the front door cracked and Deacon is running like the wind down the road! (I think he was dressed at this point but still had no shoes.) I was forced to dress him because he hopped in my bath as it was draining to play with the bubbles.
Hopefully this blog will make other mothers of the world who don't have it all together feel a little better! Consider it my gift to the world.