Wednesday, June 3, 2009

EW! Spider season

I hate spiders more than almost anything. I know most women, well most people in general, hate spiders but I'd like to say that my hatred for them goes a little deeper than most.
To me, there's nothing scarier than trying to kill a spider and having it escape, only to live another day. In general, I believe they are more afraid of us than we are of them but the tides turn when they survive a homicide attempt. Don't trick yourself into thinking that they just run away. They're still in your house but NOW.... it knows what you look like! It used one of it's 57 eyes to catch a good look. It's going to send a spidey-signal out to all it's eight legged friends that there's a would-be killer on the loose and it's not going down without a fight. That creeps me out big time. I also think it sends out a spidy-signal right before it gets killed (if the shoe makes the connection.)
Once I heard that the average person eats like three spiders a year in their sleep. I can't get it out of my head. Every time I dream about being attacked by spiders (which is probably like once a month) I'm convinced I'm dreaming that because I either ate a spider or am being crawled on by a spider.
I lived in this house in Salt Lake one summer and it was right at the mouth of some canyon. (Don't quiz me on which one) but it was Spiderville. (Oh and I'm also convinced that every spider in my house is a hobo, if it's not a daddy long-leg.) So we had all these hobos everywhere and I had to vacuum every night just to calm my head about spiders but it made it worse because I literally vacuumed up like three spiders a night. My brother-in-law Mike came over and sprayed for spiders for me and I swear more varieties of spiders came out of hiding than I'd ever seen before. I shutter at the thought. One night my roommate came home at like 1:00 a.m. and there I was, huddled on the couch with my knees pulled into my chest because I was too creeped out about the spiders to walk to my bedroom.
Oh, then there was the time this past fall that there was the BIGGEST gi-normous spider EVER by my front door. When I spotted it, it stopped moving and held perfectly still. I swear we were having a standoff... I wasn't moving... he wasn't moving... we were eye to eye. Actually I was clear across the room on a chair. I probably stared that monster down for 20 minutes, trying to get up the courage to put on my boot and stomp on it. Finally I approached... slowly, don't want to startle it... when I got close enough to it I realized that the thing was as huge as giant dead maple leaf! Oh wait, it was a giant, dead maple leaf. See how paranoid I am?

I'm not even going to post a picture of a spider to go along with the post because then I wouldn't be able to open my own blog.

4 comments:

mom said...

Brooke - that is the funniest thing EVER!!!!!! You and Aaron need to invest in a case of magenta colored cans of Raid! And - hey - stop sleeping with your mouth open! Love you, Mom ;-)

mom said...

Brooke - that is the funniest thing EVER!!!!!! You and Aaron need to invest in a case of magenta colored cans of Raid! And - hey - stop sleeping with your mouth open! Love you, Mom ;-)

Tami said...

Did I tell you that theory about the spidey signal just before they get stepped on! I've known that for years. They let out this little spidey scream, and then all their relatives come out to torment the killer!

Lynzi said...

Yeah so my friend told me the other day that statistically you are never more than 5 feet away from a spider, and that because spiders are like central to the ecosystem...or some kind of bug system, that means that you are never more than a foot from any bug! EWE, I haven't been able to function normally since learning that fun fact! FUNNY blog!!!!!! you crack me up!- Lynzi