Friday, February 24, 2012

The Horrible Mom Blog

Ever since my oldest turned about 2 I've had story after story of horrible moments in motherhood. My husband always says "you need to blog that stuff!" so suddenly my nice family blog turned into story after story of poop-eating, tantrums, fully-clothed baths, etc.... mixed in with birthday celebrations and family vacations. The two just weren't quite meshing well... and to be honest- I got a little afraid that CPS would get involved soon. ;)
So I'm turning this blog into a nice family blog and starting "The Horrible Mom" blog about my experiences in motherhood. So if you're reading this blog to know about my life and my kids, stay tuned. If you're reading for funny stories, switch instead to There's a doozy there now to get you started. Warning- it involves "hybrid poop".
So there you have it. Friends and family who want to stay in touch- stay here.
People who want to feel better about their own lives-

Friday, February 3, 2012

One hot mess

For people who have it "all together" or even "somewhat together" I must seem like a mess! Let's rephrase this. I am a mess. But I like the phrase "hot mess". Although I am so far from hot right now it's not even funny.
So I had a massive headache this morning...the likes of which I've rarely seen... and Aaron brings me my phone in bed right before he leaves late this morning so I can text around looking for Tylenol because all I have is ibuprofin and that's anti- during pregnancy. So I'm laying in bed and texting and I hear my Kosovo neighbor, Fatima, in my house... "Broke?" (that's how she says it). I run out and she has Deacon in her arms and of course he's happy as a clam. He had followed Aaron out and wandered over to her house which is across the street and two houses down and actually rang her doorbell! So she brings him back. I'm embarrassed but whatever.
Then my other good neighbor takes Brighton with her to her gym to go swimming and Deacon's playing nicely in the playroom so I decide to take a quick bath because I still feel like hud. I can hear Deacon out there most of the time and then all the sudden I hear my neighbor again!!! Deacon got out again and was wandering down the road. Oh, I forgot to mention he's in a pajama shirt that's too small and spiderman pajama bottoms that are like 3T and dragging on the ground and no shoes. So I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm in the tub with an OK magazine and try to pretend I'm just sick in the toilet so it doesn't seem so neglectful. She wants to wait until i come out to leave, so I have to convince her (between fake heaves) just to lock him in the bedroom with me and we'll be ok. HOLY MESS.
So THIS TIME I go out and shut the garage door and lock all my doors. A few minutes later the doorbell rings and I go and it's Fatima again and she just looks really concerned. She's the neighbor who's house is always perfectly spotless and she makes dinner from scratch every night and makes tea for her husband every afternoon.... very traditional Muslim. She wants to know if I'm okay and if I need help folding laundry or something. No, there is not laundry everywhere, but an entire chair is pulled out in the TV room covered in blankets cause Aaron and the kids made a "fort" before I woke up. I hate forts.
So after I convince her that I'm okay and I can dress my child and fold my blankets on my own she leaves and I forget to lock the door again!!! Yep- a couple minutes later I'm on the phone with my sister Heather and I notice the front door cracked and Deacon is running like the wind down the road! (I think he was dressed at this point but still had no shoes.) I was forced to dress him because he hopped in my bath as it was draining to play with the bubbles.
Hopefully this blog will make other mothers of the world who don't have it all together feel a little better! Consider it my gift to the world.