Another Totally Inappropriate Post

Baby-makin'... no way to really talk about it "appropriately" seeing as it involves the "S" word and that Aaron's parents probably read this blog and conceived all their children immaculately. But seriously, my parents did it at least five times (they made the sacrifice because they loved us so much). So we really love Brighton, yadda yada... want to spread the love.. yada... need more babies... but somehow it's been like 14 months and somehow (won't point any fingers, Aaron) the job isn't getting done.

Why does it seem more taboo to talk about it if it is the man's "fault". (not blaming you sweetie... ) I know that Aaron wears pink shirts and cares more about a beautiful sunset than he does about March Madness. True he likes snuggling and long walks on the beach but our Dr. has reassured us that his metro-ways are in no way related to his swimmers. (Ouch, did I just hear a shriek of disbelief coming from Arizona?) I know, it's totally inappropriate to talk about my husband's low sperm count on my blog. There. I just said it. Low. Sperm. Count. To be honest, I was flat-out relieved when I found out it was him and not me. I'm sure 20 years down the road all of Bright's crazy antics will easily be pointed in my direction, so it's nice to have some of the pressure off.

But to be serious for a sec, it seriously is a bummer. I picture all my little eggs in my little ovary basket... getting older... shriveling. And on the wall next to their nest is one of those really sterile-looking clocks that they had in your high school... just ticking away... You're 29... now you're 30... soon you'll be 40.... The eggs I have left now have at least 12 fingers or two heads. Besides the fact that my next child will probably look like an alien, everyone talks about how much harder it is to have babies in your 30's. True, I won't have much to compare it to, but let's get this show on the road, folks! I've always wanted kids close together too... (mostly so they could entertain eachother and I wouldn't be stuck playing "Dora".) I wanted three or four kids all close together in age. Now we're looking at having two kids at LEAST three years apart.

I think the Big Guy upstairs really knows what he's doing though. He probably reads my blog and sees how incompetent I am and knows that I'll do better with a few years in between the kidlets. I understand. Right now it's just a test of patience! OK Could I BE any more inappropriate? But hey, seriously 10 people even read this blog and they're all close family and friends and it's the only journal I keep and this "infertility" thing occupies a good 75% of my thoughts and it feels good to vent and laugh about it at the same time!!! So send me fertility vibes everyone!!!

Three Days without a shower

Why not confess totally random and disgusting things on my blog? I see no reason not to share the fact that it's 4:40 PM and I don't recall having brushed my teeth yet today. When did I become the crazy person who stays in their gym clothes all day? YIKES. I'll tell you when I became crazy lady... the minute we moved Brighton into her "big girl bed". Right now I'm really regretting not getting a big sheet of plexi-glass, drilling some holes in the top and caging that little girl in the crib. We could add a food bowl, one of those water dispensers and maybe even a wheel she could run around in for exercise.

Another confession: it's now 4:42 PM and Brighton has had like 3 pieces of toast, two bagels and two glasses of apple juice today.

She did have about a 45 minute nap on her floor behind her door but I had to take advantage of that precious time to get some work done! Work is pretty busy these next few days and I'm also getting ready for my parents to come into town so there's just no time for a shower! Most days I have to decide between working during nap time or showering. It's a good thing I only need to wash my hair once a week. Again, why I feel the need to confess these things is beyond me. :)

4:48 PM confession: I'm on my 3rd can of diet Dr. Pepper today.

Yes, this is a cop-out blog post. 25 random things!

25 Random things and I mean RANDOM
1. I don't think there are 25 interesting things about me, but I am RANDOM by nature, so I'll try.
2. My feet grew 1/2 inch while I was pregnant. I think all my fat squished them out.
3. I really like it when TV shows call themselves "events". Like a premiere event. It makes me feel like I'm all dressed up attending an event, as opposed to what I'm really doing- lounging on the couch in pj's.
4. I think Q and C are wastes of letters. Q could be accomplished with a "kw" I mean you need to pair a U with it anyway and C is really just S or K. Americans are so wasteful.
5. Speaking of waste, I consider myself an environmentalist and do what I can to stay "green" without going over the top.
6. I miss my family so stinking bad it hurts, but love living in Boise.
7. I went to three different BYU's. Idaho, Hawaii and Utah and then did a BYU internship program in New York City
.8. I could probably eat an entire bucket of red vines by myself in about a week's time.
9. I'm addicted to the gym.
10. I RARELY cry and never cry at movies. Sometimes I do cry during books though.
11. Sometimes I miss doing TV news but love staying home with Bright and doing Public Relations.
12. I kill plants. Not on purpose, but I do.
13. I have like 30 purses but always use the same one.
14. I had fish named "Joe Black and Damnit" in college and a lizard named Truman. May they rest in peace.
15. I get a little creeped out when I see Elmo's full body doing something like riding his trike. Can't explain it.
16. I got over my fear of heights by bungee jumping, hang gliding and sky diving.
17. Now about the only thing I'm afraid of is trains and spiders.
18. I overuse the word freaking. What is it, 1999? I also overuse (...)'s. I think they're called elipsis.
19. I've had two Elton John mugs and either lost or broken both of them within 24 hours. I love Sir Elton.
20. I'm really sad about the death of the sit-com. I love sit coms. Really, let's be honest, I love TV.
21. I buy care bears more for myself than for Bright.
22. I CAN'T stay at home all day. I'll make excuses to run errands just to get out of the house.
23. I was a vegetarian for like eight years and now I'm a full-on meat eater.
24. I'm not going to tag anyone in this note because everyone on Facebook has been tagged a billion times.
25. I haven't heard Brighton for a while and she just ran in the room buck-naked. Nice. yay, I'm done!

Holy Terrible Two's (Out of the gates with a vengeance!)

Holy Moley, I am entirely unprepared for this.
I know "normal" and "good" moms post happy pictures of their kids birthdays.. opening presents, blowing out the candles, the messy chocolate cake face. But I've never claimed to be "good" or even "normal". Here's what I got for ya:

This was literally on her second birthday. It was so ironic (in the Alanis Morrisette, not really ironic but just annoying way) that she acted like this on her birthday. Full on, stomping, screaming, throwing self on the ground tantrums all day. Pulling out one braid, refusing to put on a shirt... The "normal" mom might explain why she was so grumpy but I'm chalking it up to hitting the age of two.

I swear I felt like the paparazzi trying to get pictures of a scantily-clad Brittney having a crazy night on the town. She was trying to hide from me and even tried to push the camera out of her face, but I managed some shots. I was just laughing, which just made her even more mad.

Speaking of laughing when she's mad: I have real issues with this. Last night she was full-on attacking me. Pulling my hair, trying to hit me and I was seriously mad. I busted out my meanest, angriest voice and looked her straight in the eye and told her to STOP!... I was coming as close to yelling as I even can and she just started laughing! It was like this mouth closed, cheeks puffing up, trying to hold it in laughing. I was so mad, yet when she laughs at me I find it funny and it took all my might to hold in my laughter. (It was even harder not to laugh than it was the other night when she grabbed Aaron's "goods" and wouldn't let go. That's the stuff America's Funniest Home Videos is made of.)

She did have an awesome birthday party though, the week after Christmas while we were at Nana's house. She got the coolest-ever remote control pink dinosaur... a bath blizzard https://www.asseenontv.com/offers_on_demand/kidkl_bth_bliz_ood_ontv.html?gid==
which should be sued for false advertising, but fits in with Lynzi's and I's rule to only give "as seen on TV gifts". Also these possessed care bears that communicate with each other (super rad)... and a lot more. My recent favorite is her "felt farm" with all the animals and the farm. I like to try to mess her up by role playing the cow laying the eggs and the chicken being milked. She's already too smart for me though.

I'm Full of Vitamins and Minerals!

There is really nothing intersting going on in the Flake's world but I don't want to neglect my blog. So because my work laptop crashed, I'll spend some time writing about nothing, AKA Commercials that FREAK Me Out.

I really do not care for commercials that "alter" the human face, or turn the human head into something it was never meant to be. Clear back in high school I always cringed at the Afrin Commercial where the head turns into a giant nose. Think of the giant boogers!! Then recently I noticed another commercial that freaked me out where the human head turned into a giant stuffed Tedd Bear Head. Turns out, Afrin was re-creating the altered human head campaign (much to my chagrin.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3A4Hh8IoPQ EW. Just EW.

I don't like Star Trek or Planet of the Apes or any of those movies due to the altering of the face issue. Sure, the Apes are not supposed to be human but deep down I know it's Marky Mark.

However, I DO like it when they make that baby talk. I know that goes against everything I believe in, but when that little baby trades stocks and talks on the cell phone it's stinkin' halarious! I love the clown one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdfvWAp5GUw

On that same note, clowns to NOT freak me out. And yes, I've seen "IT". I always kinda thought that girls saying that clowns scared them was really just a pitiful attempt at making the man feel big and strong. Personally, I think most "fears" that silly girls have are just to make the guy put their arm around them and "protect" them. Except my fear of trains. That one is very real.

I lose a little bit of sleep over the Burger King ad. I think it's the fact that the giant King guy doesn't talk that gives me the heebie jeebies. He just stands there... kinda like the creepy guy in the raincoat on the movie, "I know what you did last summer". If you want to creep someone out, I am of the belief that you can just walk up to them and not talk.

The best commercial ever (except for the fact that I can't remember what it was advertising) involved a little orange cartoon guy who jumps off the Orange Juice bottle to say Hello to the unsuspecting family eating breakfast and they all FREAK OUT. Remember that? Then he chases the screaming family yelling "I'm full of vitamins and minerals!" I'll have to see if I can find it. HERE IT IS!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fA8ad71n94

And there you have it, the most useless and random blog post yet! Happy Wednesday!

NEWS FLASH- Toddler sleeps without binky

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE- Breaking news just in this afternoon. An Idaho toddler, who previously has been attached to a binky, has gone to sleep without it. Authorities involved don't know what caused the sudden shift in behavior but believe it may be due to the introduction of a pillow into the crib.

The family of the toddler is too stunned today to comment but a family spokesperson released this statement:

"While the miraculous event might be a one-time occurrence, the parents involved are obviously very pleasantly shocked at the recent developments. Party music and dancing has been seen at the residence today. I, personally knowing the parents, believe it is the work of an amazing mother, who uses her beauty, her instincts and sticks to her guns. Also, sheer dumb luck."

The toddler involved had this to say, "Mama, dada, nana, bampa, elmo, carebear, snowman, Pffhslhhh."

I believe...wait... yes we do now have some pictures coming into the newsroom that we'd like to show you...

This photo illustrates how attached this toddler is to her binky and what an amazing phenomenon it is for her to sleep without it, something we might not see for many months to come. Kinda like a solar eclipse.

Childhood DejaVu! (This one's for Gregg)

One thing I'll always remember about my childhood is this weird "game" Gregg and I used to play when we were really little. I know we must have been really young because neither one of us could read. We had this great toy box with a bookshelf on top of the big toy area. Still the coolest toy box ever and probably way bigger in my head than it actually was. So we would sit on the bookshelf and hold the books and pretend that we were singing in church. It seems like one of us would lead the music and then we'd make up songs about whatever books we were reading. (Maybe you had to have been there, and maybe Gregg will remember it better than I do.)

So today as I was straitening Brighton's room she crawled up on the back of her toy box and at first was just sitting there with her stuffed animals, and then (with no prompting from me, I swear) started reading books! It just melted my freaking heart and I had to take some pictures. Gregg will surely appreciate this!