Monday, November 3, 2008

Peeing With The Door Open (And other things I swore I'd never do)

I was a total backseat mom, before I had kids. If not vocally, I was in my head. I would see the horrendous things other moms were doing and swear to myself that when my perfect child came into the world, I would NEVER bribe them with fruit snacks. But then again, my child wouldn't need bribery because of her flawless obedience.

I've only been a parent for 22 months and 2 days and here are a few things I swore I'd never do. And I'm eating my words, just like Bright is eating those bribery fruit snacks that I buy in bulk at Sam's Club.

1. Pee with the door open. I always thought, let the kid cry at the door, geez lady have some pride! Pride? Doesn't that go out the window during labor, never to be regained? I remember before Bright was tall enough to see into the bathroom drawer she'd reach her little arm up and rummage around, then when she pulled out an old tube of chapstick, she'd go "ooooh!" Like she'd found the lost treasure of Atlantis. That's worth my pride, right? And hey, it might help with potty training soon. For the record, I also shower with the door open and sometimes she'll just stand there holding the shower curtain open staring at me. That's the worst.

2. Flavor my kids milk. After I stopped nursing a few weeks went by and I realized I should probably still be giving Brighton some whole milk or something! I started trying to give her milk in a sippy cup and she about gagged! So after a couple weeks (ok maybe a day) of trying I bought some chocolate Ovaltine and never looked back.

3. Let her watch Barney. I thought she would only watch the shows that don't drive me crazy, like Sesame Street. But when you work from home, a little more TV is needed! I draw the line at Calliou. That kid drives me nuts. You're four and totally bald? Grow some hair and stop whining!

4. Go a day without showering. Need I say more? It happens. Get over it.

5. Make my kid talk to people on the phone. (Before they can talk). "Say hi to daddy!... (squeak). I think she just said hi to you!" Let's document this on video and put it up on YouTube!

6. Food Bribery- I've covered this but let me just say the first thing Brighton says when we walk into target is "popcorn!" Isn't shopping SO much easier when the child is contently munching on popcorn. And when we're at Walmart I'm not above cracking open a new bag of Goldfish that I will pay for at the checkout. (If she doesn't dump out the whole bag in front of the bed spreads). Don't worry, I used my foot to shove them all under the shelves.

7. Stage things for photo ops. "No, I swear, she put on that chefs hat and just climbed herself into that big soup pot!" Isn't she SO cute!!! "Oh no! I just caught her putting bright red lipstick all over her face! What a stinker!" Come on, every mom needs a picture like that. What am I going to do, wait until she does it herself and risk ruining my carpet?

8. Let my baby drink caffeine. What kind of monster would let a one-year-old drink Dr. Pepper? That is just wrong! Ugh, fine, one sip. Okay fine... have the whole dang thing. I'm sure she had enough in vitro to last a lifetime.

And when Brighton turns 3 and still has her binky and isn't potty-trained. I'm sure I'll have another list of things I swore I'd never do!


Jay and Camille said...

You are too cute. Brighton is a doll. I love looking at the pictures Aaron puts on your picasa site.
Hope you guys are doing well!

Julie Moody said...

You crack me up! I love reading your blog! It is so true...there are even things my Mom did that I swore I would never do, (but guess what, I do them!) Check out my blog at
Your family is so cute! I can't believe how big Brighton is, course I also can't believe I have five kids! It seemed like forever to become a mom and then I blinked and now there's 5 runnin' around. I love it! They are so fun! Talk to you later!

Melissa said...

Brooke, It is Melissa (Bailey) Eror. I love this post, and I am also reminded of the things I swore I would never put my kids in bed with me in the morning and turn on cartoons so I can snooze a half an hour more...or feed them fast is interesting how your perspective changes! You can check out my blog .

Brooke said...

Ooh, Melissa. The sleeping in the morning while the kid watches cartoons. Yet another one. Except I don't think I ever doubted the fact that I would do that. I am a total sleep-whore.

Anonymous said...

Brooke!! I totally loved your blog! I wholeheartly agree all the things you have said about those things that you swore that you would never do with your child!! I had big dreams that I would do and my children would be perfect. But, reality really gives a BIG HARD bite in the butt!! OWIE!!!! But, I do enjoy them!! I am still trying to potty train Aspen! She is two and half and loves to say no whenever I ask her if she needed to go potty. It is like if she is teasing me!!! ARGH!!! Keep up with the blogs about motherhood!! Helps me to remember mine! thank you!! Huggies and kissies!! Diana

Sharp said...

Hey girl! I do EVERY one of those things and I swore I'd never do them either! Life just changes once a kid is in the picture. She is a doll, by the way!

Joy said...

Oh yeah...the things we Moms do! Great post!